Become Aware of Your Fears

. . . use them as building blocks instead of stumbling blocks

What blocks desire? What blocks passion? What blocks brilliance? FEAR! Fear is an inevitable obstacle to growth and may be viewed as a stumbling block or a building block. Our choice! Remember, however, that every decision we make will shape our lives forever. We can decide to stumble through our fears and life, or we can use fear as a step and build our way through life. We decide!

Regardless of the route we choose, fear is a fact of life. Although many of us have been taught that fear is negative, fear can be a good emotion. It is like a warning signal to be aware, to be prepared. Managed effectively, fear can teach us to look out for ourselves and make decisions that are right for us.

Fear becomes harmful only when it stops us from moving ahead. That sounds simple enough, but fear is a complicated emotion. It can be like a virus that spreads into every part of a cell and then into the next cell and the next and so on. In the same manner, people learn to protect themselves in subconscious, intricate ways that are not necessarily healthy.

Many of the steps outlined in this booklet can help us consciously recognize fear for what it is. Going an extra mile, keeping our agreements, building reliable networks, thinking in options, asking questions, believing in ourselves, developing healthy communications skills, getting in touch with our feelings, finding balance—all of these give us the confidence we need to face our fears head on.

For example, creating a list of ten options for every key decision teaches us to look at more options than we would otherwise, which in turn becomes a tool for evaluating our options more objectively—without the more subtle maneuverings of fear.

Learning to face fear head on may take many months or even years of self-discovery because fear is part of a powerful need to feel safe. Safety, however, is not always the best option when we want to move ahead in new directions. And that is what we need to think about consciously when confronting fear.

When we become aware of how fear motivates our decisions, we can make conscious choices to accept fear’s warning signal or deny its worth for a particular situation. Often, we may discover, the fear is not necessary.

Becoming aware of fears happens when we slow ourselves down enough to acknowledge what it is that triggers our fear, and what it is that we really fear. These two awareness’ give us insight and with that we can analyze our options more clearly.

When I worry about my 16-year-old son being four hours late, it is important for me to realize that my worry is based on my fear of loss of love. The fear is real and brings worry, but the worry is founded on imagined circumstances that may or may not be real. When I slow down enough to understand my feelings, I am sometimes able to let go of the worry. Without denying the fear, I can remind myself that worry is not really necessary unless there are some facts to support it.

When my son comes home late, but healthy, although absentminded about others who might worry about him, I’m relieved there has been nothing to worry about. With practice I can experience that relief before he gets home. If I have difficulty doing that I can turn to a friend or trusted adviser for help in pinpointing the exact nature of my fears.

Discussing fears with others can be very difficult, but we don’t have to share our fears with everyone. Often fear touches the intimate details of our lives. We can choose only those people who respect our need to know more and feel safe at the same time.

The one thought that relieves my fear more than any other is, “No matter what happens, I will at some point be on the other side of my situation and the fear will be gone. Either I will attract what I fear, in which case I will deal with it then, or the fear was unfounded and nothing will happen.”

That awareness in itself reduces the influence of fear and helps focus decision-making on the matter at hand. As we become more practiced at confronting fears, their influence begins to diminish.

When we walk with fear behind us, we can face our rarity. Whether the decisions we choose work out as planned or we discover a new aspect of fear we never knew was present, we will have more experience, more character, and more value to ourselves and society.

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