Ask Questions

. . . many of them, of yourself and others - every kind, every day

To wonder is to begin to understand." (Author unknown) This is the single most influential statement I’ve read in my life. Wondering is about asking questions with an open mind to answers. Our intelligence is sparked in the process.

All humans have intelligence as part of their spirit. Some of us don’t know how to maximize our intelligence, but that doesn’t mean we’re incapable. We each have different learning processes—ones particularly suited to who we are.

We can increase the range of our intelligence by simply asking questions. I believe in a law of intelligence, which ensures that every question ever asked is answered. “Everyone that asketh receiveth,” say Matthew in the Bible (7:8).

What we need is the patience to wait for answers. They may come in the form we expect, but often they come in unexpected ways and times. Some of the answers may not come until our next life, but rest assured, they will come.

Every living creature has access to the law of intelligence. When my dogs became fascinated by shadows, they tilted their heads and perked their ears in wonder. After about a year they appeared to stop wondering. I think they figured out what made shadows. The dogs wondered and received an answer. They have intelligence.

As we ask questions, we learn. As we learn, our understanding grows, and as we understand more, we become more valuable in the workforce and to our networks of family, friends, and associates.

We can ask questions of children, teenagers, and co-workers—anybody with whom we carry on a conversation. We may learn a small detail about a person's personal life, or we may find the solution to a complex corporate problem. Every single person we encounter—regardless of age, race, occupation, gender, education, sexual orientation, income level, or religious or political beliefs—can teach us something.

The key is being open to learning without imposing negative judgments. We make judgments about people and situations everyday. Negative judgments occur because we believe we’re better than others or we don’t have complete information (which occurs when we stereotype others), or we refuse to take responsibility for our thoughts and feelings.

One of the primary motives for negative judgment is to discredit others' decisions, personal or professional, in an effort to validate our own or to feel superior. If left unchecked, negative judgment can lead to the implicit belief that everyone in the world should be more like us.

Difference, however, makes the world a wonderful place. Imagine if everybody were exactly the same. News reports have made much recently of fears about cloning humans, but pleas for compassion regarding people's differences do not provoke the same response. We all have our own paths and make our own choices. The more freedom we allow others to live their lives as they choose, the more freedom we gain to do the same ourselves.

Negative judgments block our ability to accept or gather complete information. Without sensing compassion from us, for example, others will not be willing to share their whole story and we, as a consequence, will not learn as much as we might from the interaction.

My nephew shared a story with his mother about how he really had a hard time liking a fellow student, and then was surprised at how his feelings shifted when he found out how hard the student’s life had been. The point is not that we were born to like everyone. The point is that we can learn from everyone when we keep our negative judgments at bay.

Negative judgments have a sense of finality about them. It’s common, for instance, to hear statements like “You’re incredibly careless.” These words imply that we are not going to ask any more questions and we are unwilling to learn anything further—we’ve made up our mind.

Making such statements can present obvious problems, especially if we have a long-term relationship with someone. When we judge negatively, we block opportunity for learning and push people away. When people feel judged, they don’t want to listen to our questions or opinions. They often withdraw and keep their thoughts to themselves. The learning process stops for both sides and neither is able to accept responsibility for the situation.

One of the most effective ways to let go of negative judgments and to encourage asking questions is to examine why we have the judgments we do and then to take responsibility for communicating our desires, feelings, thoughts and intentions clearly, and with compassion.

When my co-worker was installing a cellular phone into a customer’s new imported car, he inadvertently drilled into one of the car’s computer boards. The repair bill was $1500. When he informed me of the mishap, I had a few choices about how to react. I could have yelled, screamed, made him feel stupid, and then fired him.

That choice would have made the co-worker take responsibility for my anger, rather than his actions, and I would have been left with a big repair bill and one less employee who was an experienced, productive worker. I still would have been angry, and I would have had the additional expense of training another employee.

Instead, I let go of the anger—then the negative judgment—and looked at how we could turn the problem into a benefit. I asked the co-worker why it happened (it was a new model of car that placed the computer board under the gearshift) and instructed him to phone all the competitors with whom we had strong relationships. He was to tell their installers of the new position of the computer board so they wouldn’t make the same mistake.

The result was that the co-worker was encouraged to take responsibility for his error, he felt supported despite his mistake, and my colleagues at other stores didn’t have to make the same expensive mistake. My benefits included a productive and willing co-worker and a number of grateful competitors who would return the favor to me in the future.

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