Make yourself clear

. . . clarify and paraphrase

Our personal senses and filters affect how we interpret what we hear. We each process information and feelings differently. We’ve all been raised in families under different circumstances, however subtle. Those circumstances and our relationships outside family combine with the effects of TV, radio, and other media to create within us, a unique set of filters that affect our interpretations of everything we sense.

Language is a primary vehicle through which we transmit our sensations to others. But words, as wonderful as they may be, are not exact replicas of our thoughts and feelings. The same word can mean completely different things to different people. My definition of the word home, for instance, may be “the place where I can really be myself.” Another’s definition may be “The place where everyone fights and nobody listens.”

Because words are inexact and open to so much interpretation, it is important to make sure we “get it clear.” That means we make sure we understand what others are trying to say. The process of getting things clear happens quickly with a technique called paraphrasing. It’s the act of repeating back what we hear others saying. It usually begins with, “I hear you saying . . .” or, “Let me get this right. Did you say . . .”

Paraphrasing represents a way of asking questions. If we’re uncertain about what’s been said, we may decide that it’s better to ask for clarification. We might say, for example, “I’m not exactly sure what you mean. Could you tell me more?” When we are clear, we can be more confident that our reactions are appropriate.

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